While attending our rabbinic convention in San Francisco, Rabbi Beth and I met with a young couple who grew up at Beth Am and asked us if we would officiate at their wedding this summer. A few hours earlier the task force on Intermarriage of the Central Conference of American Rabbis had just met. The couple before us were both Jews- but the juxtaposition of those two meetings caused me to reflect on what it means for me to stand under a chuppah with a couple and bless a new family as two people choose to wrap themselves in the symbols of Jewish tradition and sanctify their relationship.

The Chuppah in Jewish tradition represents the home that the couple will make together. The ring, or exchange of another object of value, along with the ketubah, is symbolic of the financial commitment they take on to support each other. The words they say as they make kiddish and bless each other are words that proclaim to all present that this relationship is holy, inviting God’s presence to be a part of their lives. And the rabbi’s role is as mesader kidushin, one who helps organize the ceremony, who teaches and shares Jewish values with the couple under the chuppah, reminding all present that ultimately the commitment being made in that sacred space is between the couple and God.

I always feel honored when I am asked by a couple to play the role of mesader kidushin. After 14 years as rabbi at Beth Am, I am sometimes surprised when members assume that I will decline to do so if one of the partners is not Jewish. The CCAR task force encouraged Reform rabbis to be welcoming to intermarried couples, working to integrate into our synagogues such families who choose to make Jewish homes and raise Jewish children, while respecting the decision of the non-Jewish partner to not choose Judaism for themselves. I hope that our membership and the general community recognize that for many years this has been a standard practice at Beth Am. We are indeed grateful for the support, involvement, and generous contributions of our non-Jewish members, so many of whom are deeply engaged in helping to make Beth Am a vibrant center of Jewish life.

In my years here at Beth Am I have officiated at wedding ceremonies for intermarrying couples with the caveat that they commit to raising Jewish children, taking an introduction to Judaism course, making a Jewish home, and with the understanding that the ceremony will be a Jewish one of their design, accessible to non-Jewish guests, but with no co-officiation because it is a Jewish ceremony. The Reform movement has left it up to each rabbi to make their own decision regarding such officiation, and I respect the process that other rabbis go through to reach a conclusion that works for them.

Ultimately what is important is not the rabbi under the chuppah, but the couple making their vows to each other to build a life of blessing – and for that couple to know that so many in the Jewish community welcome them as they also choose to bring Torah and the blessings of Judaism to their families and to create a vibrant Jewish life.

L’shalom,

Rabbi Jonathan Singer